Tag: shit list

• People who use the phrase “Listen up”. What the fuck does that mean?.
• People who say “Can I get” when the really mean “Can I have”. No, you can’t. Fuck off.
• People who call the well-known pub chain ‘Witherspoons’. It’s Wetherspoons. Always has been. Get it right.
• People who pay a premium for washed vegetables and then still peel them.
• People who hang washing out on the line to dry and then put them in the tumble drier after to ‘air off’. WTF?
• People who choose an email address such as joe.blogs1976@… because they can’t be arsed to think of a more inventive name other than the ones offered.
• Seeded buns. All the little bleeders fall off before they get to your gob anyway. What’s the point?
• Alan Carr. Nob.
• Christmas. Pah!

• People who just use a fork to eat with and cut their food up with the edge of it. No – that’s what a knife is for. Use the fucker.
• Peeling eggs – the original wrap rage?
• Shoppers who buy margarine because it tastes just like butter. Buy friggin’ butter then!
• Drivers who buy a SatNav and then ignore them because they ‘know a better way’. Why didn’t you keep that couple of hundred quid in your pocket then, because ‘it’s cheaper?’
• Legwarmers. What the hell are they all about?
• People who drink out of bottles. Another uncouth American-led habit. Use a glass, you fuckin’ slob.
• Gok Wan. Twat.

• Calling it a ‘near miss’ when two aeroplanes nearly hit each other. No, they did miss. It should be called a ‘near hit’.
• Any twat that wears a baseball cap. Especially back-to-front. And with tracky bottoms on.
• Posers that wear sunglasses indoors. Or wear them on the top of their heads. Cunts!
• Pricks who say ‘my bad’. What kind of English is that? Oh no, sorry… It’s American.
• Drivers who stop at traffic lights in that red bit with a three foot high bicycle painted on it – big fuckin’ clue what it’s there for – and then give you the dead eye when you go up the inside of them on your bike.
• Politicians. Blah blah blah blah…
• Tourettes Syndrome. Or any other fucking shit wank condition that doesn’t really fuck wank stain bastard exist but shit bastard fuck cunt is used as an excuse for bollock tossers to behave in a big nob unacceptable piss flaps manner.
• Smokers that say they are ‘trying to give up’. You’ve got one in your gob – You’re not actually trying, are you?

• Folk singers who stick their fingers in their ears. Get a proper P.A. system with foldback speakers, for fuck’s sake.
• People who wear trainers and tracky bottoms whilst having no intentions of visiting a gym or doing anything remotely sporty. Ever.
• Pool and snooker players that wiggle their middle fingers whilst queueing up. That’s all of ’em, basically.
• All Facebook members who refuse to put their picture on their profiles (excepting the Invisible Man, of course). It’s called Facebook because…?
• Inconsiderate shits who think it’s OK to keep on revving a stationary motorbike up, then riding it up and down the street without a helmet on to ‘make sure it’s working’. The engine’s on – it’s fucking working! OK?
• People who talk to dogs like they’re humans.
• People who talk to humans like they’re dogs.
• The cunt who wrote the Eastenders theme.

Inspired by the grumpiness of Mick Moonshine in my previous post, I’ve decided to create my own Shit List. How’s this for starters…

• That black guy on the tele who says “Red Tomaaaatoooes”. Change the fuckin’ record!
• Folks who look inside their sandwich before taking a bite. Ain’t that why food hygiene standards were thought up?
• Pseudo-intellectuals who make ” ” marks in the air with their fingers. Or any tosser that does it, for that matter.
• People who say “Absolutely” in response to a statement or question. I think this one includes most of the Earth’s population, actually.
• Drivers who don’t think it’s necessary to indicate at roundabouts. Ignorant bastards.
• Drinkers who stand at the bar, blissfully unconcerned about the fact that you (that’s me, mainly) can’t get served. Ignorant bastards.
• Anyone who appears on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’. And the theme music for it. Kill me now… Aaaaaarrrrgh!!!
• Ex-celebs that do really pants TV commercials for insurance companies because they can no longer get proper jobs. Get some friggin’ self respect innit?
• Proud new parents who constantly change the subject around to baby stuff and bore you shitless with all the details, right down to the colour of nappy contents. Please shut up or fuck off. I’m not remotely interested.
• Sad fucks that maintain blogs, especially ones about being grumpy. Errrr…

Lots more to come.