Tag: Hollywood

  • Get a grip on it!

    Get a grip on it!

    TV and films have got a lot to answer for, see examples in my previous posts regarding the Hollywood swallow and computer noises – to name just two. But today I’d like to bang on about the way people hold some objects on the telly. There is obviously the correct way of doing things, and the TV land way. Here is a simple visual guide of getting to grips with things.

    1. Mobile phones.

    phone-proper

     

     

     

     
     

    phone-wank

     

     

     

     
     

    2. Torches.

    torch-proper

     

     

     

     

     

     
     

    torch-wank

     

     

     

     

     

     
     

    3. Hand guns.

    gun-proper

     

     

     

     
     

    gun-wank

     

     

     

     
     

    gun-wank-2

     

     

     

     
     

    4. The popular torch/hand gun combo.

    gun-torch-double-wank

     

     

     

     
     

    Tip: There is no way to do this without looking like an utter twat.

     

  • The Holywood Swallow.

    The Holywood Swallow.

    Who shall I have a go at today? I know! Those idiots who throw their heads back when swallowing an aspirin or some such other pill. What the fuck’s all that about?

    “Oooh, it’s hard to get down”, I’m told. Bollocks! An aspirin’s about as small as you can get (except for a microdot… so I’m told!). What about when you’ve a gob full of mashed potato at the dinner table? – You don’t keep on throwing your head back every time you swallow, like some sort of demented lizard or a blood-crazed T.Rex off Jurassic Park.

    No, I think you’ve seen it on telly. I think it’s a Hollywood swallow, designed so that viewers actually know that the actor is supposed to be swallowing something. The same kind of point that I made about Hollywood gun holding in my previous post. Bloody Yanks. They’ve a lot to answer for.