I’m 52 in a couple of week’s time and, up until last Sunday, I was very proud to say I was an Ikea virgin. Yep, I had managed OK, thank you very much, without going to Ikea all of my life. However, last weekend I was persuaded that there was something there ‘we needed’, so I couldn’t get out of …
Open wide!
I went to the dentist for a check-up today. There’s a clock on the wall of the surgery and I noted the length of time I was sat in the dentist’s chair. It was just 63 seconds. Back at the reception, I was asked for £16.50. Sixteen chuffin’ fifty. That equates to £942.86 an hour! No wonder the dentist had …
All around the Moat
Although not basically funny, I can’t help seeing the lighter side of the search for the now infamous Raoul Moat. Half the UK’s police force, the SAS and ‘specialists’ from other countries have been looking for this one bloke for just over a week now without success. But they did find his tent. I can’t help likening the situation with …
Today…
…I am mostly being… Grumpy.
Jodrell Bankers
So, I’m in the process of starting a business with a couple of mates at the moment (yes, I do have mates – well, two of them anyway), and some of the shit we’ve had to take from the Council is just ridiculous. The hoops we’ve jumped through to get the plans passed fall just short of dropping to the …
BB’s Shit List, Pt.4
People who just use a fork to eat with and cut their food up with the edge of it. No – that’s what a knife is for. Use the fucker. Peeling eggs – the original wrap rage? Shoppers who buy margarine because it tastes just like butter. Buy friggin’ butter then! Drivers who buy a SatNav and then ignore them …
Wank word!
“Me time” – Usually accompanied by doing quotation marks in the air with fingers.
24 nit pick
Well, it’s a bit complicated. but this terrorist wanted to blow someone up who was in hospital. So he gets into the building wearing a bomb vest, but he’s sussed by the good guys and they transmit a blocking signal so he can’t explodipate himself with its trigger. Should have been a wired system mate – much more reliable. Anyway, …
Wank word!
Mission-critical.
BB’s Shit List, Pt.3
Calling it a ‘near miss’ when two aeroplanes nearly hit each other. No, they did miss. It should be called a ‘near hit’. Any twat that wears a baseball cap. Especially back-to-front. And with tracky bottoms on. Posers that wear sunglasses indoors. Or wear them on the top of their heads. Cunts! Pricks who say ‘my bad’. What kind of …